We are interested in Christian couples and our word refers to them.
(a) To a large extent it seems that the concept of the sanctity of marriage as a mystery and as a charismatic event has been lost for Christians. Marriage is more often projected as a simple social event or as an institution that will formalize a relationship. The proof is that most people usually talk and laugh during the church service and even worse: the couple is oriented throughout the wedding toward the photographer and his signals, in order to get good photos. In other words, the wedding is for the couple and the guests, not to pray to God but to look later at the albums and the DVD, which means that they do not live the present of the blessing of God given to them, but the imaginary future of their virtual reality.
Thus the first cause for divorce seems to be precisely this deprivation of the sanctity of marriage, that is, ultimately an unbelief in the mystery and in the presence of God himself. The depth that will bring meaning to the marital relationship and will keep the couple together in the difficulties that will arise normally in their married course, is missing.
(b) With the above finding, we also look for the root of the pain of separation. The degradation or even the complete erasure of the sanctity of marriage as an expression of infidelity essentially to Christ and His Church, reveals the dominance of selfishness in the hearts of human beings. When faith and respect for what God has ordained recede, the human and selfish element always increases. Isn’t this what God’s word teaches us about separation in all human relationships? God’s will is always love and unity. Because God is love. Does anyone keep God and His holy will away? Does he/she push away love, thus revealing what annuls it, such as selfishness and sin? Saint Basil the Great notes somewhere: “There would be no division and separation and war in people, if sin had not divided human nature”. And St. Chrysostom reveals to us the demonic element that exists in separations and wars: “To fight each other means to give way to the devil. Because the devil is mostly found in hatred.”
So human nature is torn apart by sin, thus separation between people follows. And this means that the split and the internal division of the spouses are reflected in a divorce, or in other words, the inner separation of the man from himself (fruit of his separation from God) is completed with the divorce with the spouse, both substantially and legally. It is clear that the priority in their relationship is not in the You of love but in the I of the sin, which constantly demands personal service and the submission of the other.
Saint Paisios expressed this truth in his own simple and intelligent way: “In order for a spark to exist, two stones need to strike each other.” That is, in order for the intensity of separation to exist, two egos must have clashed. Without going into the perhaps futile search for the degree of each one’s responsibility, the only sure thing (existing exceptions confirm the rule) is that ultimately the responsibility belongs to both.